how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Bring me that man meat
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
