I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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