it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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