you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
