His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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