I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
