I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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