so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
