Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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