he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
