dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
