whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
