I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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