he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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