Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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