P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
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Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
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I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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