I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
