You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
