I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
