Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
