I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
