sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
