He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
