why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
