The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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