I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Randomize
