you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
