there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
