so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
