Your tits are I can't wait for
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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