i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Fuck appropriateness.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
