I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
