So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
