Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wish life had little blips of pornography
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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