hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
