I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
did i just pee glitter
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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