WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
