There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
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I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
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They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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