i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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