we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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