Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
