it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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