how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
