I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
