i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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