i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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