i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
