She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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