quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
