she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
