maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
