just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
