We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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