So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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