Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
