Screwed.edu
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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