had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
