I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
