You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
