do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
