Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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