she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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