whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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