So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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