I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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