why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
