Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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