Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
