They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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