I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize