she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
