It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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