I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
