My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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