somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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